A Malay wedding is the stuff of traditional dreams. Organized with family and friends, the Malay wedding is not just for the couple but a chance for all members of family to get involved.
Treated as king and queen for the day, the Malay wedding is an opulent affair, and a number of ceremonies are undertaken before any Malay couple can take their steps into society as a married couple.
Meminang
Once a couple has decided to get engaged (meminang), a meminang ceremony will take place. This pre-wedding meeting will take place between the parents of the bride and groom and will determine the dowry to be given to the bride and final date of the wedding (Akad Nikah).
There could also be the finalization of the wang hantaran which will be used to pay for expenses by the bride‘s family. This is different from the mas kahwin which is a small dowry usually determined by the Islamic Council. That will also differ in different states and according to the status of the bride, for example whether she has been married before or not. The dowry is set at low rates to allow even the poorest of people to marry, however the wang hantaran can run into thousands.
Akad Nikah
This is the most formal and religious part of the Malay wedding process and officially brings together a couple in marriage. While other parts of the wedding such as the berinai (henna ceremony) can be minimized, the Islamic ceremony must be completed. Leading the ceremony will be the kadhi, a religious officer from the Syariah Court. In the older days, the bride‘s father could also perform the ceremony as long as there were religious officers present. The Akad Nikah ceremony is effectively a verbal contract that takes place between the bride‘s father or his representative (kadhi) and the groom. To seal the contract will be the handing over of the mas kahwin and a few simple words from the groom, which must be heard clearly from the three witnesses present. This simple ceremony belies the fact that marriage is taken very seriously by the Malays and that it is a serious responsibility of the groom to look after his bride and uphold the sanctity of marriage.
The groom is also reminded that, should he fail to provide both spiritually and physically for his wife, the marriage can be dissolved if taken to the Syariah court. Heavy responsibility indeed.
Gifts are exchanged during this time, and they must adhere to the gifts promised during the meminang. They can range from shoes to clothes to perfume and more and are laid out in the bridal chamber.
Bersanding
Here this is where the party can really begin! Like a normal reception, the bersanding is a chance for all to gather and have a noisy and fun kenduri (feast or gathering). This will either take place in the bride‘s kampung or even in a hotel for more urban couples. Here guests will also be able to see the newly married couple as they sit in ‘state‘ on their pelamin (raised dias). Like the wedding itself, the preparation for the wedding is done with the full cooperation of friends and family and it can be a close-knit affair, full of laughter between the female members of the community.
Gifts for the guests include the bunga telur, which when literally translated means flower egg. Painted in bright colors and presented in individual baskets, it symbolizes fertility and the hope that the marriage will be a fruitful one.
The groom is brought to the house heralded by the sounds of beating kompangs (handheld drums) and together the couple are covered by glittering bunga manggar (palm blossoms) made out of the brightest gaudy colors possible.
In the kampungs, there still exists the tradition of a mak andam (make-up lady) halting the process of the groom into the house, by asking for an entrance fee. With easy going banter, only once they are happy with the amount given or in some cases the responses given to the questions asked, is the groom allowed to pass and to see his bride.
Source : http://wedding.bluehyppo.com/malay.asp
