Brunei, Muara - For some couples, a traditional Malay wedding is a must. But for others, the cost of having one is simply too much.
Previously, wedding logistics were handled by family and friends, but today‘s couples prefer commissioning bridal services to handle the affair.
With so many ceremonies to observe, such as the Hantar Berian, the Akad Nikah, the Berbedak and the Bersanding ceremonies, many have now begun to forgo some of these ceremonies to cut costs.
Engaged couples can expect the average cost of a wedding to soar to $30,000 for each partner.
One such couple, Saiful, 27, and Hjh Rafidzah, 25, said they have postponed their wedding for some time because of financial difficulties. "We don‘t come from rich families, so everything is self-sponsored, but everyone expects us to have a grand wedding since we are both the eldest child, so we are paying for things slowly, buying one thing at a time," said Hjh Rafidzah.
"We men have to pay for the ‘belanja hangus‘ which can reach up to thousands of dollars. Then there is the Berian or wedding gifts as well as catering costs for the various ceremonies," said Saiful, a policeman.
"My fiance and I, we don‘t earn a lot and even if we took out loans, we still wouldn‘t be able to cover the whole wedding cost," he added.
According to Qalbi, 24, a banker, costly weddings stem from social pressure. "The fact is, if you don‘t adhere to a traditional wedding, society will talk," she said. "I believe most of the lavish ceremonies were held just to save face."
According to Hafiz, 22, unlike western weddings, Malay weddings do not have RSVP.
"Weddings are expensive, with typically from 500 to 1,000 invitees attending. When you send one invitation card, you need to consider how many people they will bring, therefore you need allocate more food to feed them and more camps to seat them. All these require more money," he said.
Azim Sanny, 25, said that the older generations seem to forget that their own traditional wedding did not cost as much, as back then everything was done at home.
"We live in a world where every thing needs to be catered and rented. Back then you can save a lot because most of the equipment was borrowed for free, food was cooked by the family. Nowadays, it is simply impossible to hold a wedding without help from outside services," he said.
Arifin, 25, a civil servant told The Brunei Times that people expect a traditional wedding and the only thing that could be done to minimise costs is keeping it simple.
When asked if the cost of a traditional wedding is worth it, he replied that to an extent, it does.
"When you are young, you still want to have fun but at the same time, you want to get married and you sometimes need to put that aside because you need to save up for your wedding, so it can be very hard. But it is still part of my culture, so a part of me still wants to keep the tradition alive. After all, how often do you get to be Raja Sehari (King for the day)?" he said.
Another civil servant, Adi Hamree, 27, said that although various government loans are available to finance the wedding, at the end of the day, you still need to pay it back. This can become a burden, particularly for those who want to start a family immediately.
"That money can be used for better things such as building a house or early savings for your children‘s future. I have friends who even after having a few children are still paying for their wedding loans," he said.
Atiyah, 24, would prefer a very simple wedding for herself, but her parents expect more.
"I don‘t think loans would be enough to cover a traditional wedding which can reach up to $50,000 for each side. So my hope is that since it‘s my parents who expect a lavish wedding, they can fork up some money to help me pay for it," she related.
Meanwhile, Nazri, 25, said that money is not the only issue with Malay weddings.
Time, too, is a factor. "A Malay wedding usually lasts at least one week to accommodate the various ceremonies," he said.
"In this day and age, people simply don‘t have the time. Personally, I would rather have it all in one day and I don‘t mind it being lavish or not. After all, a wedding is about you and your partner and what you think is best and not what other people think you should do.
He added: "Who cares ... how great your wedding was, as long as you and your partner don‘t bicker about money that is no longer there.
Source: www.brudirect.com (6 Oktober 2007)
